


Falling Back to Strangers

by minnesotamemelord



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Explicit Language, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluffy Ending, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, Idiots in Love, Law Enforcement, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Episode: s19e13 The Undiscovered Country, Pre-Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr., Reunions, SVU Secret Santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-02-24
Packaged: 2019-11-01 15:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17869679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minnesotamemelord/pseuds/minnesotamemelord
Summary: In 2018, Rafael Barba left the Manhattan ADA's office without a word to anyone but Olivia Benson. Nobody knew where he'd gone. They were just left to wonder where he'd gone and what he would have said.Now, in 2023, one of them gets his questions answered.Title from "Flare Guns" by Quinn XCII





	Falling Back to Strangers

 With a fabulous view of 62nd St. and the biggest office of any professor at Fordham (besides the deans), Rafael Barba couldn't help but love his job. Maybe even more than he loved his old job. he was only 20 minutes away, and yet it felt like he was worlds apart from his old life. From his old colleagues. Shockingly, after everything went down, his license hadn't been taken away, but there wasn't a chance in hell of any DA's office taking him on now. And a defense firm didn't seem right after the last 20 years battling it out against the best of them. He preferred this now, sitting in his office, grading papers under an old-fashioned desk lamp. A parting gift from Jack McCoy.

He was in the middle of such a task, scribbling broad red marks on the mediocre papers of trust-fund brats, just like the ones he went to school with, when there was a knock on the door frame.

"Office hours are over for today, come back-" When he saw who it was, he froze. Despite the thick glasses that had somehow found their way onto the bridge of his chiseled nose and the now almost entirely gray hair slicked back above it, Barba recognized him easily. "Carisi."

"Hi." Carisi's voice was choked with an assembly of emotions Barba couldn't even recognize. Neither one of them spoke for a moment, just took each other in.

"What... what are you doing here, Carisi?"

"I- uh, I had some questions about a case, and Stone wasn't being very helpful. I was swingin' by to see one of my old professors, and I saw your name on the directory. I thought, 'There's no way it's him. He would have said something if he were working fifteen minutes away at my alma mater, right?' Turns out I was wrong." Five years, and nothing had changed. Carisi still had the same sharp wit (something he'd learned from Barba, whether either of them knew it), the same overpowering Staten Island accent (he hardly pronounced any of his R's), the same appalling fashion sense. Mostly. The tie he was wearing under his cheap vest was one Barba recognized well. A geometric block pattern that reminded Barba vaguely of stained glass. He'd given it to Carisi in the SVU secret Santa a couple of months before the 'incident'. "Are you just gonna sit there and stare at me, or are you gonna say somethin' for yourself?"

"Sorry, Carisi. Now, can I help you with something?" Carisi looked flustered, then irritated, then angry.

"'Sorry?' That's all you have to say is 'sorry?' I- _we_ haven't heard from you in five years, only to find out that you've been in Manhattan this whole time."

"Not the _whole_ time. I went down to Florida for a couple of months, and then-"

"Oh my God, is this a joke to you?" Carisi's dumbfounded expression was enough to shut Barba up. "You just left. You didn't say goodbye or anything. I- _we_ don't deserve better than that?" That was the second time he'd corrected himself, Barba noticed. He wondered why as he checked his watch.

"I need a break from grading for a while," he deflected. "There's a Chinese place down the street. They make the best egg rolls, which, as I recall, are your favorites." Without waiting for a response, Barba grabbed his jacket and wallet. "You coming?"

"Fine. But we're not done."

"Of course, but why not continue this over fried rice? I'm starving."

 

Sat in the back corner of the hole-in-the-wall restaurant, Barba was brought back to times they spent in his old office, hunched over pad thai and case files, trading snarky comments over the last egg roll. This was quite different from that.

"So... what have you been up to?" He asked, not knowing what else to say.

"Really? That's all you have to say for yourself?"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm sorry?"

"Anything but that. Just tell me why."

"Why what?"

"Why you've been working, like I said, twenty minutes away at my old law school, and you never called, or texted, or even fucking emailed!" Barba wasn't sure he'd ever heard Carisi say fuck before. He thought it was hilarious. "Why are you laughing? This isn't funny."

"I know, I know."

"I thought we were friends. I mean, for a couple of years there, I thought we might be- well, doesn't matter now. But why didn't you ever say anything? Nobody knew what happened to you. For all we knew, you might've been dead in a ditch."

"I'm not."

"Clearly." Carisi paused expectantly. "So? Why?"

"I... don't know. Not really. But I didn't forget about you. I promise."

"That doesn't do much now, Rafael. You said goodbye to Olivia and you left." Then, quieter, almost unintelligible: "It wasn't fair."

"What?"

"I said, it wasn't fair. That you left. And you didn't say goodbye."

"Well, I figured you didn't want to see me, and-"

"How could you think that?" Carisi interrupted. "How could you think we wouldn't want to at least say goodbye?"

"I had just been charged with murder-"

"And acquitted! Look, we understood why you did it. Or at least, we could've tried to. But you never gave us the chance." Carisi stabbed at his food like he was trying to keep it from flying away.

"I know. But I couldn't face you. I could hardly face myself. And my mother..." Barba looked away. "Anyway, I had to get out of town for a minute. Just until things calmed down. And I knew if I said goodbye to everyone, I wouldn't want to leave." Carisi looked him over, his thin, arched eyebrows furrowed the same way they did when he was reading over a particularly difficult case or was losing at Monopoly.

"Okay."

"...Okay?"

"Okay, I get it." And just like that, the storm that had clouded Carisi's usually sunny face dropped away, his dimples deepening as he smiled. "It's good to have you back."

"It's good to be back." With such an infectious grin, Barba couldn't help but return it. "So, now that  _that's_ out of the way, what have you been up to? It's been a while." He reached up and gestured at Carisi's eyes with two fingers. "You went blind."

"Just a little bit. Fin makes fun of me now. Says I'm more of a grandpa than he is, and he's an actual grandpa." Carisi shrugged. "I don't mind so much. I think I look distinguished. What do you think?"

"I think you're right. The gray helps, too." Carisi frowned as Barba gestured at his hair, laughing.

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad."

"There's almost no brown left. When you first came in, it was almost all brown."

"Well, at least someone thinks I look good."

"You do. Look good. I've just gotten old."

"Are you kidding? You look better than I've ever seen you. I think the stress of being an ADA really got to you."

"Maybe. Compared to that, teaching criminal law is nothing. My only stress comes from these absolutely horrific papers these kids write. Honestly, Carisi, you're a damn genius compared to these morons."

"Thanks."

"And how's everyone else? How's the lieutenant?"

"Actually, it's Captain Benson now."

"Captain?" Barba's eyebrows raised in shock. "Good for her. So, Fin took his lieutenant's exam?"

"Nope. He retired earlier this year. He and Munch are chilling on some beach in South Carolina."

"So you've got a captain, but no sergeant or lieutenant?"

"Yes, but not exactly."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I took my sergeant's exam two months after you left. I spent a hot minute back at Brooklyn SVU, then I took my lieutenant's exam and came back to Manhattan." Barba stopped cold.

"So you're..."

"Lieutenant Carisi."

"Oh my god. You're joking."

"No, I'm not, and please, before you start with the jokes, I've only had this job for two weeks. Let me bask for a-" Carisi was interrupted as Barba threw his arms around him.

"Why didn't you lead with that, Carisi? That's a big deal!"

"I didn't think you'd... care."

"Well, I do. So, we've got two elite squads in Manhattan now, huh?"

"If you can call us elite, sure. But I'm loving the job. Not so much our ADA."

"You said Stone's still there? I thought he was just special counsel on my case."

"Guess he decided to stick around. He's got nothin' on you, though. He and Benson butt heads on a daily basis. Honestly, half the time I spend in the old bullpen is just keeping them from attacking each other."

"That brings back fond memories."

"Lot less fond when you're getting screamed at by two of New York's most powerful law enforcement."

"You should come join me."

"I should what?"

"Here. At Fordham. We've got a legal methods professor retiring after this year, and as I recall from our study sessions, that was a class you particularly excelled at. I'll put in a good word for you if you want it. It'd be nice to see you more often."

"Why can't we see each other without me quitting my job? You should come back to the precinct with me when we're done. I'm sure everyone else would love to see you-"

"I can't. And you can't tell them you saw me. Not yet. I'm not ready." 

"Not ready? You work twenty minutes from us and you're not worried about seeing us out in public? Come on. I promise, it'll be fine."

"I just... can't. I can't go back to that place."

"Okay." Carisi considered for a moment. "So I'll host dinner at my place. No work talk. Just friends."

"Just you, me, and our old squad?"

"Why, did you have someone else?" It seemed like an innocent enough question, but Barba could easily read the nuance.  _Are you seeing someone?_

"Nope. I don't have anyone else." Pause. "You?"

"Nobody." Tension hung thick in the air, coloring the air between them. And then, without a second thought, Barba closed the space between them, his lips meeting Carisi’s in a blaze of excitement and spontaneity. He felt Carisi tense with surprise, heard his knee instinctively slam into the table, and felt him prepare to pull back. And then, he didn't. He leaned forward, returning the kiss with earnest. When they broke apart after what seemed like both hours and mere seconds, Carisi sucked in air like a drowning man.

"You okay?"

"I, um... I don't know." Carisi looked dazed, his foggy blue eyes hazy and unfocused. "Why'd you do that?" He asked quietly.

"That's... that's certainly a question. And I could lie and say some bullshit about the heat of the moment, but to tell you the truth, I've been wanting to do that for eight years. And I can't help but think that maybe if I had done it earlier, a lot of conflict could have been avoided. Maybe I'd still have my old job. But if there's one thing seeing you did, it's make me realize that the things I think about doing but never do, I need to do them."

" _Do_ them?" Barba rolled his eyes.

"Shut up. All I'm saying is... there are things I've been waiting to do for a long time. Waiting for what, who knows, but I'm done waiting. So let's go."

"Go... where?"

"The precinct. I've got some hellos to say, and some goodbyes to make up for." He stood up and held out his hand. "What do you say, Lieutenant? You know, I don't think I'll ever get used to saying that."

"Me neither." Carisi slipped his hand into Barba's and squeezed. "I'm with you, all the way. And I'm sure everyone'll be very happy to see you. Although, you might bring some donuts. At the very least you can use the box as a shield."

 

The air was warm and hazy outside, and the sun brought out the gold flecks in Carisi's eyes. "So, how's it feel?" He asked, his long, thin fingers tapping absentmindedly against the back of Barba's hand.

"How's what feel?"

"To be back. To not have to hide." Once again, Barba couldn't help but smile.

"It feels... it feels like I've been hiding my whole life. And now I'm not. Now, I finally have the sun on my face. You're my sun, Carisi." There wasn't a cloud in the sky, but Barba doubted he'd have noticed if there was. Nothing in the world could stop him now.


End file.
